Here are actual accounts given by people who made the wrong choice and went to court:

“JUDGE X has ruined my children’s lives and made mine extraordinarily difficult.  She listened to NONE of the important testimony, read NONE of the pages submitted, and rendered the most disgusting decision possible.  My children have had irreparable harm done to them.  I pray for the day she steps down, or is forced out.”

“We have a problem in the arena of divorce and custody.  We have a system that is not impartial and often serves as a breeding ground for disingenuous and unethical actions committed by players in the legal arena and sometimes (knowingly and unknowingly) enabled by the very courts people believe will determine fact from fiction.  Many Father’s have an uphill challenge awaiting them as they seek what many others before the law and courts see…fairness and the right to be heard.  Having been a father before this Judge both as pro se litigant and represented by an attorney, I can clearly state that many problems transpired on so many procedural and legal levels with little adherence to the standards of equitable distribution and best interest of the child…these were secondary to clearing a busy docket!”

“If you are looking for an arrogant, opinionated, biased Judge who has made up her mind before you walked into the room, one who will do everything in her power to impose her ill-willed wishes regardless of law, one who has the attention span of a chicken and the powers of God, well you’ve found in “XXXX”.  Shame on a system that places this DISASTER in a position of such power!

“Pathetic.  Biased.  Doesn’t even address the issues at hand.  On one occasion what is written is in stone.  On another occasion what is written doesn’t mean anything.  WHICH IS IT?? MY divorce dragged on forever because this judge wouldn’t make a single fair ruling and I was forced to settle or be bankrupt on legal fees.  My children are the ones that suffer……”

If there was ever a time to use the experience of others to an advantage, this is it! These comments represent the personal trauma of each person who took their divorce by going to court.  These complaints were written by actual litigants who suffered these events!

My purpose in publishing these verbatim statements is to expose the negative experiences of former divorcing litigants.  There is nothing more helpful than hearing from someone who has actually walked the walk.

In each of these cases, the parties are saying that not only were their interests not served by the traditional litigation process, but the consequences of this process created substantial injury to their futures.

As a practicing attorney for the past thirty-five years, I am saddened by these client experiences.  Yet, I know they happen.  My antidote is to offer sensible alternatives to divorcing clients who seek my assistance.

Either Mediation or Collaborative Divorce are the alternatives that should be considered and chosen in order to avoid the possibility of the horrific divorce scenarios described in this article.

Mediation:

Mediation allows the parties to construct their own divorce solutions while they work with a neutral facilitator.  This process is one of the ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution) processes now available to divorcing parties.

Collaborative Divorce:

Collaborative Divorce is another available ADR process.  For a complete examination of the dimensions of Collaborative Divorce, I recommend the Collaborative Divorce Resolutions website (www.CDRLI.com) to readers.  I am part of this elite panel of Long Island divorce practitioners who have spent hundreds of hours being trained to address divorce with a multi-disciplinary approach.

While these alternative processes require serious client participation and reasonable compromise, they, most importantly, allow clients to maintain control of their outcomes and address their important interests in a constructive model.

As an ADR practitioner, I celebrate the process alternatives that are becoming increasingly available to parties facing divorce.

I welcome consultations to address the “divorce selection” processes.  This is the first important step in a person’s divorce experience and should be made with proper professional guidance.