We blog about helping Long Island families to resolve conflicts in the most productive ways possible.

Feb 16, 2017BY: Nancy Kaye

The Real Housewives and Avoiding Public Divorces

Bethenny FrankelBethenny Frankel, of “The Real Housewives of New York City,” has been embroiled in a bitter divorce battle with ex-husband Jason Hoppy.  Their four-year, contentious dispute included a parenting fight, maintenance (alimony), and an apartment Bethenny bought in 2014 during their legal battle which commenced in 2012.

Bethenny Frankel is just one of the many “Real Housewives” reality stars whose divorces have become a very public matter when utilizing the courts to resolve their situation. E! News online has reported on the staggering divorce rate among the Housewives.

However, being a reality star doesn’t mean your divorce has to be public. There’s a better way to take control of the dissolution of your marriage, in a more collaborative way.

Collaborative Divorce is where the couple helps to generate resolutions with the help of their lawyers, financial neutral and mental health coach to guide the couple through both the emotional and financial aspects and turmoil of separating their lives. This process is most important when children are involved, no matter the ages.  The de-coupled lives will always be intertwined, and it’s to develop skills so that future interactions are not acrimonious.  Litigation brings out the worst in human emotions.  Each party tries to shed the other person in the worst light to influence the judge.  These wounds don’t heal, and the decisions are up to the whim of the particular judge.  The time and expense to become divorced is protracted and expensive.  A court appearance involves attorney prep time, and perhaps a full day of waiting for the judge for a ten minute conversation.  The billable hours are high and the result may just be, try and work it out amongst yourselves before coming back to me.

Collaborative Divorce schedules are worked out between the professionals and clients.  All time is productive.  Agendas are prepared, interests, goals and exploring of different options are discussed …openly; not just by the attorneys behind the closed doors with the judge.  Different scenarios/pieces of the puzzle are analyzed until the right picture is formed for the couple.  The couple gains financial knowledge throughout the process so that informed decisions can be made.  Projections are made so that the couple can see what the effect is for the future for each scenario.  The goal is to produce a settlement agreement that works in the best interests of the couple and children (if any).

You may not have chosen to get divorced, but I’m sure you want to be part of the outcome that will determine how you will live in the future.  Collaborative Divorce is that path.

The author, Nancy Kaye, is a member of the Collaborative Divorce Resolutions law group of Long Island which is an association of attorneys, family specialists and financial neutrals specializing in the collaborative process. If you would like to learn how this alternative to traditional divorce litigation can work for you, feel free to contact Nancy Kaye. Contact information along with a brief bio can be found on the author's profile page. Simply click or tap the author's image or the "View Profile" link on this page.

Filed in: Conduct and Communications