Articles

We blog about helping Long Island families to resolve conflicts in the most productive ways possible.

Jan 9, 2017BY: Neil Grossman
IN: Conduct and Communications

Avoiding He Said – She Said in Divorce

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Some people may be out for themselves; to score a win at the other person’s expense. This can happen in a divorce or in other types of dispute or conflicts.

Strategies in a conflict may include making false claims or false counter-claims. Thus, one technique is to deny the claims of the other party and make false claims against them. There was a recent cease fire in Syria. A relief convoy was bombed. Officials from the United States stated that Russia or Syria dropped the bombs on the convoy. In turn, Russia claimed that the United States dropped the bombs. In some disputes, the facts may be determined, in other disputes we are left with opposing claims from the two parties.

In a divorce, there is sometimes a situation where each person makes opposing claims. This may lead to a “He said – She said,” situation. Sometimes the disputed claims can be sorted out, typically at a great expense, for example, by using a forensic evaluation or with witnesses at trial. This frequently happens in a litigated divorce. People may have completely different perceptions in a conflict. Other times people make false claims on purpose.

Opposing claims and counter-claims are unlikely in a collaborative divorce. Here the couple agrees to work together towards a solution and to be transparent in all areas. The couple’s lawyers are also working towards a solution and not strategizing about how to help their client score a win. The team, as a whole, works to keep the collaborative process on track and not to become bogged down by unnecessary claims and counter-claims. At its best, each spouse is trying to find a solution that works well for the themselves, and for their children.

Print